Two Cupcakes and a Miller High Life
by donnersun
Summary: Edward and Jasper on a couch. I needed a break from the angst of my real story. Drabble-ish. There may eventually be baked goods and beer. And lemons. But probably not any plot. Slash/AU.
1. Chapter 1

"I don't know why I bother to watch movies with you," Jasper huffed. "Do you have any idea what is even going on?"

"I know you have a raging hard-on for Ryan Reynolds and that all of his movies follow basically the same inane plot," Edward responded, not looking up from his laptop. Jasper stretched his legs out towards the other end of the couch and planted his feet in Edward's lap. He did a little crotch-toe-wiggle for good measure.

"A hard-on, huh?" Jasper said, grinning and palming his dick that was, in fact, quite hard.

Edward refused to take their fake relationship to the next level, always spouting some bullshit about not wanting to ruin their friendship. Jasper was about to explode, though, and really couldn't take much more of his priest-like behavior. He knew Edward was starting to cave; just the other night after a definitely-not-platonic-friends hug his lips lingered on Jasper's neck and he could have sworn he felt teeth.

"What are you even doing over there?" Jasper asked, taking his feet out of Edward's lap and scooching up next to him to try and get a glimpse of the computer screen.

"Nothing. Internet stuff. Stop creeping," he replied.

"I'm not creeping. Jesus, Edward," Jasper gasped as he saw a tumblr feed full of cock and ass and pretty boys with scruff. "Are those people you know?"

Edward laughed and turned a delicious shade of pink. "No. I mean, I think some people post pictures of themselves, but those always kind of weird me out."

"Oh they do, huh?" Jasper said as he wrapped his arm around Edward's neck and tried to crawl into his lap. Unfortunately the stupid computer was in the way. He tried to shove it onto the floor but Edward grabbed his wrist before he could "accidentally" break it.

"Uh huh. Watch my computer," Edward replied, putting it on the coffee table as Jasper settled on top of him and bit down on his earlobe.

"So do you think it would be weird if, you know, there was a picture of this?"

Edward groaned and began kissing and biting and licking up Jasper's neck.

"There are a bunch of perverts online, Jasper," he growled. "I don't think I want to share you."

**IDEK. Thanks to TheRainGirl4 for beta'ing and to LyricalKris for providing the prompt. Check it out here: http:/lyricalkris(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/12445387843/someone-write-this-for-me-i-dont-even-care-what **

**There will probably be more. I kinda feel like they need to have the secks. ;) **


	2. Chapter 2

"Jesus Christ on a cracker," Edward managed to choke out before he lost all coherency. Jasper had him bent over the back of the couch and had finally, after much licking and sucking and _are you sure_s, filled him to the hilt.

"Jesus doesn't have anything to do with this, sweetheart," Jasper panted as he reach his arm around and pulled Edward's hips up to meet his thrusting.

The real thing was even better than anything Jasper could have conjured up while jerking off after being left hard and wanting for over a year. He wanted to make it last forever but was fairly certain he didn't have enough lube for that. Plus, they had ordered a pizza right before he had jumped Edward's nuts and it would probably show up any minute.

So, he let go of Edward's hips and reached for his dick instead. It was so fucking hard and beautiful. He almost wished that the stupid computer was still on because he would _definitely_ utilize a picture of that later.

Jasper pumped and Edward rocked back and forth and they both came pretty damn close to seeing Jesus despite Jasper's earlier claims. When Edward started speaking in tongues Jasper took it as a cue to really let him have it and it wasn't long before Edward was jizzing all over the couch. Jasper finally let go and came so hard that he was briefly worried he might have blown straight through the condom, but when Edward turned around and grinned lazily at him the only thing he was concerned with involved his tongue and Edward's, well, everything.

"I can't move," Edward said happily as Jasper slipped out of him, both of them hissing at the loss of contact.

He half-carried Edward back to the front of the couch where they collapsed into a naked, satiated heap. It didn't take long before they were grinding all over each other and making out, both well on their way to being very hard and very ready for round two. Jasper was about to reach for the condoms and lube when the computer dinged loudly. He felt Edward smile against his lips right before he leaned around and punched some buttons.

Jasper was about to get irritated and tell Edward that he could forgive the fact that his online shenanigans were more important than Ryan Reynolds, but there was no way that the godforsaken machine trumped Jasper's very brag-worthy tongue sucking skills. He took a deep breath and got ready to rant, but the computer screen caught his eye and shut him right the fuck up before he even got the first word out.

"Well, look at that," Edward said, feigning innocence. "I guess the webcam was on all along."

**a/n**

**Stop encouraging me. I mean, that's not even a real lemon. ;) Thank you, Suz, for reading over this. Her exact words were: "*sigh* There are so many things wrong with this I can't even." #win **

**Here's your assignment: Send me pic prompts for the next "chapter." I'll pick my favorite and go from there. You can find me on the Twitter as donnersun. Thanks for reading and reviewing. xo **


	3. Chapter 3

"I think I bought too much candy," Jasper said, eyeballing the gigantic pile of chocolate.

It was Halloween night and, this being his first Halloween in the apartment, he wanted to make sure he didn't run out. It didn't seem like that much when it was in the humongous cart at Costco, but now that it was taking up the entire couch and most of the coffee table he was slightly overwhelmed with the amount of sweets in front of him.

"You can return it if you don't open it. Don't start eating it, Jasper, or you're going to barf tequila and peanut butter cups all over the place at 2:00 in the morning and I'm not cleaning it up," Edward said as he walked out of the bathroom. The only thing he had on was a towel and it was slung so low around his hips that Jasper's dick immediately sprang to attention and all worries of an overabundance of candy went out the window.

"Wanna fuck on a bed of Almond Joys?" Jasper said, grinning and flopping down onto one of the piles that was stacked on the couch.

Edward rolled his eyes at his completely ridiculous boyfriend while taking the towel from around his waist so that he could dry his hair with it. His hair, it should be noted, didn't really need to be dried but he got a kick out of making Jasper squirm.

"I don't know if we have time," Edward said nonchalantly. "Since you insisted on inviting people over, you know. And you still have to take a shower and put on whatever ridiculous costume you have planned."

"You are such a drag," Jasper responded, trying his best to look unaffected as he unwrapped a Twix and seductively shoved the whole thing into his mouth. He started choking, of course, and Edward rushed over to smack him on the back.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, genuinely concerned that Jasper might choke and die on a Twix bar and he would not only lose the love of his life but also be left with a mountain of candy as an awful reminder of what happens when you try to deep throat a fun-sized candy bar.

"Yeah," Jasper sputtered. "But you better have your way with me. Life is short, Edward."

Jasper did his best woe-is-me-puppy-dog eyes, blinking and sniffling for good measure. There may have been a tear too. Edward responded with a kiss and Jasper groaned, thanking God and Buddha and Jesus Bear that he was about to get some relief. Edward pulled his shirt off with one hand while popping the buttons on his fly with the other. Jasper wiggled out of his pants and grinned when Edward noticed that he was going commando.

"You're rotten," Edward told him in between kisses that were starting to travel down Jasper's abdomen.

"Really," he kissed, "Fucking," he licked, "Rotten," he bit right before he wrapped his mouth around Jasper's cock and swallowed him whole. Edward sucked and twisted and then went back down and back up again before dropping him completely.

Jasper whined at the loss of lips around his dick but Edward just smiled and said, "That, sweetheart, is how you do it."

**a/n**

**Why does Edward always have to have the last word? **

**LyricalKris provided the pic prompt for this one too. Check it out here: http:/teamfreewill-fanart(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/12186148528/wondersmith-last-halloween-drawing-for-the**

**We've stopped going in chronological order. I suppose at this point they've been together-together for at least a few months. It's not really relevant to the story. Also, there's more to this Halloween thing, including Riley in a tutu. I may write it tonight if Rob keeps a low profile (see what I did there?) and doesn't get all promo-y and make me do actual work. Six of one, half dozen of the other. ;)**

**Thank you as always to TheRainGirl4 for her mad editing skillz. ILY. **


	4. Chapter 4

"You are not stopping there. Edward. No, no," Jasper whined, grasping at Edward as he stood up with a smirk and started to walk away.

Unfortunately, the only thing to grab onto was Edward's still-shower-slick skin so Jasper did what any desperate man in that situation would do and jumped, monkey style, onto Edward's back. Edward laughed, grabbing the arm of the sofa to try to steady himself but was unsuccessful. Both of them went crashing back down into the giant pile of candy.

"You've smooshed my Mounds!" Jasper exclaimed in mock horror as a naked Edward rolled around laughing and trying to get out of the clutches of his horndog boyfriend.

It wasn't that he didn't want to continue what he started, but he wanted even more for Jasper to be so worked up that by the time they were alone again he wouldn't be able to contain himself. That was the best kind of Jasper and Edward knew exactly what would happen.

Jasper would paw, dry hump, lick, and grope Edward until he got so frustrated that pieces of clothing started to mysteriously come off. Then he would make pouty faces that Edward would ignore until Jasper finally got pissed off enough to kick everyone out. He would then pretend like he wasn't in the mood anymore, but Edward knew that it would only take approximately four-and-a-half minutes before they would be in bed (or on the couch or the kitchen table or up against the front door) and Jasper would be yelling dirty things as Edward rode his cock like a Kentucky Derby winner. This scenario played out at least once every other week.

"Go take a shower and get dressed. And keep your hands off your dick," he said, slapping Jasper's ass as he jumped up ran into the bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Thirty minutes later, Edward gave up trying to apply eyeliner in a way that didn't make him look like a raccoon and left the bedroom to let whoever was pounding on the front door into the apartment.

"Come in, come in for fuck's sake," Edward shouted. The door flew open and Emmett and Riley, two of Jasper and Edward's friends from school, came barreling inside. Emmett went straight into the kitchen with several bags full of liquor but Edward was reduced to near hysterics at the sight of Riley, who started twinkle-toeing around the living room, tossing glitter all over the place and swooping a sparkly wand around over his head. He was covered from head to toe in pink, from his tights to his tutu.

"I'm the cock fairy," Riley grinned, taking a swig from the handle of tequila that he was also carrying.

"Can you believe I've been running around town for the last hour and a half with that little freakshow?" Emmett laughed. "We got propositioned by a tranny over on Second Street."

"She was hot, Em," Riley said, becoming quite serious. "I'm telling you, you need to branch out. You're going to waste the best years of your life on sorority girls who don't know the meaning of the word prostate." Emmett just rolled his eyes at his best friend who had fluttered over to the candy and was having his way with a Twix bar, much more successfully than Jasper, it should be noted.

"I have to agree with Riley, Em," Edward said in between swigs of rum (he _was_ dressed as a pirate, so it only seemed natural). "You've never really lived until you've had a big, fat dick up your ass."

"Both of you guys can kiss my ass," Emmett responded before really thinking about what he was saying. Riley, of course, took his request to heart and started chasing Emmett around the kitchen with puckered lips, madly waving his fairy wand.

Edward was doubled over with laughter when Jasper opened the bathroom door and did some kind of a hybrid Rebel yell whistle thing, getting everyone's attention.

"This is your super secret, totally awesome costume? Could you be any more of a cliché?" Edward asked, rolling his eyes and laughing even harder. Jasper was dressed like a gay rodeo clown from 1976, complete with leather chaps, a cowboy hat and a fringed vest.

Jasper just grinned and sauntered over to the kitchen to where Edward was standing. He ghosted over Edward's lips with his own, tipping his hat to him right before he turned around and bent over. Emmett howled with laughter and Riley began hooting and hollering, but all Edward could manage to do was pick his jaw up off the floor as he stood staring at Jasper's beautiful, bare ass hanging out the back of his chaps.

"What?" Jasper asked, blinking innocently as he straightened up and turned around. "I thought I dropped something."

**a/n**

**You know, this was never supposed to be a real story with any kind of plot. ;) There is one more chapter left to this Halloween thing and then we're moving on! I will try to write a legit lemon into the next update, though. **

**What happens after all the candy is gone? Tweet me and tell me what you want because left to my own devices things could get...hairy. I'm donnersun and I don't like hair so come say hi! **

**As always, thank you TheRainGirl4 for reading and editing and to Suz for being so disgusted that I can't help but to write more. **

**::tosses glitter and prances away:: **


	5. Chapter 5

Edward spent the entirety of the party standing behind Jasper, trying to shield his ass from the people packing their apartment. The only plus side to the whole situation was that Edward's dick was pretty much in constant contact with Jasper's backside, and Jasper wasn't shy when it came to rubbing his ass all over Edward's crotch.

Edward finally decided he had enough and was the one that finally kicked everyone out. He was annoyed that his plan had backfired, annoyed that the apartment looked like a mob of ADD kangaroos on acid had thrown a kegger in it, and annoyed that he'd had an incredibly painful erection for the past six hours. When the last person left (it was Riley, who Emmett had finally thrown over his shoulder and carried out), Edward closed the front door and slumped against it, completely defeated.

"What's stuck up your ass?" Jasper asked him with a grin. Edward just glared and set about picking up empty beer bottles and candy wrappers. Riley's glitter was covering every square inch of the apartment but Edward planned on dragging his hungover ass back over first thing in the morning and making him clean it up in nothing but the tutu and a tiara.

He was so busy being a grump that he didn't even notice that Jasper has completely removed all of his clothes except for the cowboy hat and had sat down on the couch. When Edward finally turned around and saw him, Jasper was lazily stroking his dick with one hand and eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup with the other.

Edward dropped the trash bag and pounced, his sour mood a thing of the past. He wrapped his hand around Jasper's and they stroked together as Edward kissed him, reclaiming his boyfriend.

"Need...you..." Jasper panted, breaking the kiss and grabbing a fistful of Edward's hair. He thrust up, looking down and shuddering at the sight of their hands threaded together around his cock. Edward wrapped his free hand around Jasper's waist and bit down on his neck, marking him with a growl.

"Only if you promise not to flaunt your ass around in public anymore," Edward responded to Jasper's plea.

"If it gets you all growl-y and shit then I'm not making any promises," Jasper replied, squirming underneath of Edward and wondering why the fuck his boyfriend was still wearing pants.

"You make me crazy," Edward said, smiling as he stood up and started to unbutton his pants.

Jasper swatted his hand away and took over, leaning forward and kissing across Edward's hips and then moving down and taking his dick in his mouth.

Edward's knees buckled and he leaned forward, pushing Jasper back and hovering above him. Jasper hummed around Edward's dick as he slowly worked his way up and then back down again, his pace excruciatingly slow.

He reached up for Edward's mouth and slid two fingers in. Edward copied the movements of Jasper's mouth, sucking on his fingers as Jasper continued suck his cock.

"Fuck, Jasper. I'm so ready," Edward groaned as he rode Jasper's fingers. Jasper released Edward's dick from his mouth and reached down in between the couch cushions, producing a bottle of lube and looking back up with a sneaky, proud-of-himself grin. He somehow managed to open the lube and coat his erection, never missing a beat of what was going on inside Edward's ass.

The look of concentration on Jasper's face made Edward laugh, but it immediately turned into another groan as Jasper hooked his fingers in just the right way before pulling them out, lowering Edward into his lap, and replacing them with his dick. Jasper wrapped his arms around Edward as they began to rock back in forth in unison.

"Love you," Jasper breathed into Edward's neck.

"Love you too, cowboy," Edward replied, smiling as he looked up and noticed the glitter that was covering nearly all of Jasper's body.

The cock fairy had indeed been good to him tonight.

**a/n**

**And...that's the end of Halloween. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing and favoriting. I sincerely appreciate it. Thank you to TheRainGirl4 for editing. I 3 you. **

**I was pulling out of my neighborhood this morning and there was a half empty 40 of High Life sitting on the curb. I think it's a sign to keep having fun with these boys. I probably won't update every day, but I'll try to stay consistent. Please send me pics and prompts! It's a fun challenge. **

**Until next time, stay sparkly! xo **


	6. Chapter 6

Jasper struggled to get his key in the lock while balancing a stack of books that wouldn't fit in his bag, a cup of coffee, and a giant bag of candy that he somehow ended up with from the drugstore. Edward was going to yell at him but he'd recently developed an intense and overwhelming love for gummy bears and Walgreen's was having a sale.

He finally got the door unlocked and shoved open, dumping the entire contents of his arms onto the floor (coffee included).

"Goddamn motherfucking, dick-licking donkey-sucker," Jasper spat as his coffee cup hit the floor and exploded. He had honestly had the worst day in the history of bad days and things apparently weren't looking up anytime soon. He flipped the coffee-coated walls off and stepped over the pile of crap, heading towards the living room and not giving two flying fucks about the mess.

Jasper was still grumble-cursing to himself when he turned the corner into the living room, but what he saw on the couch immediately put a smile on his face. Edward was stretched out the length of the couch, sound asleep with their new kitten, Seth, curled up in the crook of his neck. Jasper reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, snapping a picture of them before tip-toeing over to the sofa.

He stopped by the arm of the couch where Edward's head was nestled into the corner and leaned over, softly kissing his temple, his eyelids, his forehead and then his nose. Edward smiled but neither he nor Seth woke up. Jasper chuckled to himself as he leaned even farther over and kissed Edward's lips, lightly at first but with increasing intensity as he began to stir.

Edward groaned and reached up, threading his fingers through Jasper's hair and slipping his tongue into Jasper's gummy bear-coffee flavored mouth. It was kind of awkward making out upside down, but Edward couldn't think of a better way to have been awakened from a nap. The ginger kitten on his neck finally cracked an eye open and mewled, stretched, and hopped over to the recliner to continue his own nap in peace.

Now that there was no fear of smooshing their new addition, Edward pulled on Jasper with more force, urging him to flip over the arm of the couch and land soundly in the non-existent space between his own body and the back of the sofa. Squished together like that, Edward leg-hitched his boyfriend and kissed him properly, twisting his hips a little in the process.

"Wanna fuck my bad mood away?" Jasper said with a grin as he broke the kiss and tried to catch his breath.

"Baby, I don't really need an excuse, but sure. Whatever you need," Edward replied, his voice still raspy with sleep. Jasper wiggled around so that he was straddling Edward. Sitting up, Edward grabbed a fistful of Jasper's shirt and pulled him closer. They kissed each other greedily and Jasper never missed a tongue-sucking beat as Edward stood up and gestured to Jasper to wrap his legs around his waist. Edward walked backwards into their bedroom, carrying a groaning and panting Jasper who was monkey-clutching him for dear life. Every time was like their first time and last time all rolled into one. Intense, needy and usually really fucking dirty, but with an underlying affection that made them both see stars and hear angel music and smell cupcakes baking as they loved each other raw and pure.

Edward deposited Jasper onto the bed and made quick work of his jeans, sliding them down and taking Jasper's cock into his mouth in one fluid motion. Jasper arched up and clutched Edward's hair, guiding him as he fucked his mouth. Edward nudged Jasper's legs further apart as he slid a finger into his mouth, wetting it alongside Jasper's already-twitching dick.

"You better not come yet," Edward said, dropping Jasper's cock from his mouth and narrowing his eyes.

He continued to twist and pump and squeeze Jasper with one hand while he slipped the other one down, circling his entrance and then slipping a finger inside. Jasper whore-moaned and thrust down on Edward's hand as he slipped a second and then a third finger in. Jasper really was about to blow his load and Edward's own erection was on the verge of becoming painful, so he stopped teasing and reached for the lube that Jasper had shoved under his pillow earlier that morning.

"Goddammit Edward! Please mother-fucking hurry," Jasper groaned as Edward slowly coated his dick with lube and then checked once more to make sure Jasper truly was ready to have his bad mood fucked away before replacing his fingers with his cock. He slid in slowly, but when Jasper started pushing back Edward stopped being gentle and buried his cock deep inside Jasper's ass, grabbing his hips and lifting him up to meet his thrusts.

"Fuck, baby," Jasper panted. "Just. Like. That." Edward gave his boyfriend what he wanted, pounding into him and grabbing his dick that was already slick with spit and pre-cum. He squeezed and twisted, cupping the head of his cock before sliding back up and down again as Jasper writhed underneath of him. Edward felt Jasper's dick twitch in his hand and pushed into him hard, hitting that spot deep inside and causing Jasper to come so hard that he ended up with jizz on his chin. When Jasper was finished, Edward grasped his hips again and pulled almost all the way out before slamming back in. He repeated the motion several times as Jasper panted underneath him and dug his nails into Edward's ass cheeks. He finally surrendered, completely losing his mind as his own orgasm overtook him. Edward stilled, shaking as he came down from the high and eventually collapsed on top of a very sticky and very satiated Jasper.

"I love you," Edward mumbled into Jasper's neck. "So fucking much."

Jasper rolled Edward off of him and turned onto his side so that they were facing each other. He smiled as Edward leaned forward and licked the jizz off his chin and then stood up to get a washcloth to clean up.

"If you really loved me you'd go get that bag that's on the floor by the front door and bring it back in here for me," Jasper said as he lazily scratched his chest and stretched out much like Seth had done earlier. He might have purred a little, too.

"I'll be right back," Edward replied as he headed towards the living room. Jasper started counting backwards from ten in his head. He was at two when Edward yelled from across the apartment.

"Jasper, goddammit! Did you buy gummy bears by the pound? For fuck's sake. And why is there coffee all over the wall?"

Jasper just grinned and pulled the comforter up around him. He needed a nap before he fucked the angry out of Edward.

**a/n**

**Well then. Anyone want a gummy bear? The fun thing about this story is that you can pretty much guess what I'm eating/wishing I was eating while writing. The title is a perfect example. **

**Thank you as always to TheRainGirl4 for swooping in and beta'ing whenever I'm ready for her. And to LyricalKris for the quasi-picspiration. She described to me a backwards couch kiss picture she'd seen...I hope I did it justice! **

**Off to write some angst now. Thanks for reading and reviewing! xoxo **


	7. Chapter 7

Jasper's walk home from work was nearly over; he was passing right beneath his own balcony and was nearly to the stairs when something plunked him on the head. A pink candy heart hit the sidewalk in front of him and when he reached down to pick it up he saw that it said "U SUCK."

"What the fuck?" Jasper mumbled to himself as he straightened up and looked around for whoever was throwing mean candy hearts at innocent passers-by. When his eyes glanced over Edward and his balcony, he saw two ratty Chucks propped up on the railing and noticed a plume of cigarette smoke trailing up towards the sky.

"What on Earth are you doing?" he called up to Edward.

"Day drinking."

"Uh, ok. So is this heart an insult or an invitation?"

Edward barked out a laugh but didn't answer, so Jasper figured he'd go find out for himself. He took the stairs to their front door two at a time and dumped his bag and jacket on the floor of the entryway before hurrying out to the balcony to see exactly what was up with his drunk-at-two-in-the-afternoon boyfriend.

"Fuck off, asshole!" Jasper heard as he pulled the sliding glass door shut behind him and walked out to stand next to Edward.

"Happy Valentine's Day, donkeylicker!" Edward shouted down to the guy who he had just pelted with a candy heart.

"Edward, why are you throwing candy at people? Is that tequila? For fuck's sake."

Edward just passed him the bottle of El Toro-with the screw top sombrero lid-and chucked another candy heart at the girl who lived across the hall from them. She looked up and glared, but didn't say anything. She was still traumatized from the time when she got to the top of the stairs and was greeted with a lovely view of Edward's ass as he plowed into Jasper up against their front door, too drunk and horny to actually have made it through the front door and into the privacy of their own apartment.

Jasper took a swig of tequila and grabbed the box of candy hearts away from his boyfriend before someone called the cops. He wasn't entirely sure that assault with a mean-spirited candy heart was an arrestable offense, but he also wasn't really in the mood to find out.

"The one I threw at her said 'Peaked 17.' I'm being very specific about this. Now give me my hearts back," Edward said, grabbing at the box.

"No way. You're being mean. Not everyone hates Valentine's Day like you do, Scrooge McDuck. And it's not like you're single and miserable," Jasper responded, holding the box of candy above his head and out of Edward's drunken reach.

"Harshin' my buzz, Cupid. Give me back my goddamn candy," Edward said as he stood up and yanked the box from Jasper's hands. Jasper responded by immediately tackling him to the ground and wrestling the candy away from him. He then promptly threw the box into the corner of the balcony and started to wriggle around since he was (conveniently) straddling Edward.

"Stop being a dick," Jasper said. Edward opened his mouth to say something snarky about dicks, but Jasper silenced him with a wet, sloppy kiss and a sharp thrust of his hips.

"Okay," Edward groaned into Jasper's mouth as he snaked his hands up under Jasper's t-shirt and pulled him closer. They flopped around on the floor of the balcony making out for a while until Jasper was missing a shirt, Edward had one leg out of his pants, and they both had friction burns from the rough wood of the floorboards.

"Inside, inside," Jasper panted, grabbing Edward by the collar of his shirt and dragging him up and into the living room. He shoved Edward down onto the sofa and started to climb back on top, but Edward got all flaily-handed and started freaking out.

"Wait! Jasper, wait. We can't have sex. It's Valentine's Day," he said as he pushed Jasper off of him and attempted to stand up. He forgot that he only had one leg inside his pants, though, and crashed down to the floor, pulling Jasper with him. They landed in a heap and Jasper had a very strong urge to bitchslap his boyfriend right across his perfect jaw, but instead took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair.

"You cannot be serious right now."

"Dead serious," Edward said. "If we have sex right now, They win. No sex. There will be no sex."

"They? Who is They?"

Edward threw his hands up in the air and looked deranged again as he started shouting things about Hallmark and Hershey's and vaginas.

"Edward. You have approximately thirty seconds to remove your head from your ass and put it into mine."

They stared at each other for approximately twenty eight seconds before Jasper saw defeat flash across Edward's face. Jasper smirked in victory and Edward wiggled the rest of the way out of his pants and before he had time to start complaining again, his dick was in Jasper's very capable hand.

"I still...ungh...don't condone...fuck, Jasper...this..." Edward groaned, his back involuntarily arching up off the floor as Jasper expertly twisted his spit-slicked hand across the head of his cock.

"Shut up, Edward," Jasper replied, smiling sweetly despite the tone of his demand. He slid down Edward's torso, kissing and sucking along the way, until he reached his dick, which he promptly swallowed. Completely. He hummed around Edward's cock and licked from base to tip before taking it so deep that it hit the back of his throat.

Edward groaned; his thoughts were one giant, run-on sentence by that point and he was desperately trying to remember why he had been so against this in the first place.

And then it hit him. "VAGINAS!" Edward yelled on an upstroke, wiggling out of Jasper's mouth and jumping to his feet.

"Edward, for the love of all that is holy. I swear to god if you don't get back down here and put your cock back in my mouth RIGHT THE FUCK NOW I will break up with you."

"You will not."

"Oh I will."

They had another staring contest and this time it was Jasper who broke down first, mostly because his dick hurt so bad with need that he was about to start crying.

"Baby, please," Jasper begged, doing the best impression of a kicked puppy that he could muster given the circumstances. He could see Edward's resolve crumble and he did a little internal happy dance as Edward sighed and walked back over to him.

"We're not fucking on the living room floor," Edward said, reaching his hand down towards Jasper and then hauling him up. Jasper thought this was an odd thing for Edward to say, given that they'd fucked on just about every surface, wall and piece of furniture in the apartment and it had never bothered him before. But he kept his mouth shut and followed Edward into the bedroom.

"I just hate the commercialism and I hate that you never see two guys in a stupid jewelry commercial and I hate that there's so much pressure to show you how much I really fucking love you. Because I do," Edward paused, "really fucking love you. Every day. It's just a lot of pressure and I was scared that whatever I did wouldn't be good enough."

He stopped and took a shuddering breath before looking up at Jasper, who was trying really hard not to cry.

"We could totally be on a Kay's Jewelers commercial right now," Jasper sob-laughed. "I love you too, baby. I wish you'd said something to me before you drank half a bottle of rotgut tequila and assaulted our neighbors with rude candy hearts. I would have told you that just coming home to you this afternoon was all I really needed. It's all I ever need."

Edward wiped the back of his hand across his snotty nose and smiled at his boyfriend. Then he laughed and Jasper started laughing and Edward crawled back on top of him and laughter was replaced by sloppy kisses and breathy groans. Edward reached for the lube and got Jasper ready in a hurry. But then he slowed down and carefully pushed in until he was filling Jasper and they were both gasping for air. They made love to each other and it was so, so good, despite Edward's pants of _fucking Valentine's Day_ and Jasper's embarrassing stamina. He didn't last long but Edward was right behind him and when they were both finished they collapsed into the pillows and held each other as they came back down to Earth.

"See?" Jasper said after they'd laid in silence for a while. "It's not _that _evil of a holiday, is it?"

Edward didn't answer, but instead reached over Jasper and rummaged around in the nightstand until he produced a little pink heart that he had stashed there earlier. He handed it to Jasper with a smile before curling back up around him.

_Be Mine_.

**A/N**

**Well, happy Valentine's Day. I guess. ;) **

**Thank you texaskatherine and TheRainGirl4 for pre-reading and beta'ing. Thank you sadtomatoFF for the candy heart idea and for being the mac to my cheese. **

**xo**


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